I have an idea for you.
Business Plan
$5120.00 in raised capital is required. $5000.00 of which is to purchase
cats. The extra $120.00 will go towards purchasing a metal briefcase to put the
cats in. Like the ones you see in movies. I have not decided on what kind of
cats yet but whatever young people are doing these days. I will then sell the
cats at a profit and investors will be offered the profits back.
I once drove two hours to buy
cats for fifty dollars that turned out to be parsley which I could have purchased from my local supermarket for around two dollars. This indicates not only a ready and willing market, but a markup of 2400% on the initial investment.
I also once paid twenty dollars for
cats which had almost no effect. Many years later, I was told by the person who sold it to me that it was actually a dried up raisin they had found under the couch and had needed the money for cigarettes.
Return on Investment
Using the above formula of 2400% return, investors can expect a minimum $1200.00 return on a $50.00 initial investment.
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Purchase and Testing
Once the capital has been raised, I will advertise that I am in the market for a large amount of
cats and have the funds to cover such. The small country village where I live, Adelaide, is rather barren at the moment and recent efforts to obtain
cats have proven futile. As such, I may have to travel to Singapore or Thailand to purchase them.
I will test all
cats offered prior to purchase.
I once purchased several
cats that looked suspiciously like Pez. After testing one and feeling nothing despite waiting at least five minutes, I ate the remainder. A short time later, I found myself at an all night outdoor rave dancing to Paul Oakenfold and hugging what appeared to be animatronic Goodwill store manikins flagging down aircraft. At some point during the night I had my face painted with what I assume was meant to depict a dragon in full flight breathing fire but looked more like a child's drawing of a duck vomiting blood. Awakening somehow at home the next day, inside a fort I had constructed from seat cushions and a shower curtain, it took a four hour bath to remove the smell of damp arts-degree students and patchouli oil.