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Flite Test Acquires Tesla

Gryf

Active member
#1
AP - For immediate release
Minerva, OH
1 April 2019

As reported three years ago on this date, Ohio-based Flite Test had acquired Boeing in a surprise buyout. Surprisingly little has been heard on the topic since, but we can only assume that the company is still busy with their acquisition, as we understand that they've been working overtime recently, re-flashing the flight controllers on their 737 Max aircraft.

However, they haven't been too busy to expand further, with their unanticipated purchase of Tesla Motors, yesterday. "Nobody expected this. I certainly didn't," said Tesla CEO Elon Musk at a hurriedly-organized press conference. "We've just ironed out all the production snafus with our Model 3, and steel body shells are no longer the problem they once were. Now this upstart comes along with an entirely different material... I don't know much about it. It's apparently some sort of laminate," Musk concluded.

We've seen Flite Test's recent development of their own "Radial" motors, and now we understand their goal for that effort... propulsion systems that will replace the units Tesla has been using in their Model S, Model X, Model 3, and the upcoming Model Y. "We're all about models," reported Flite Test head Josh Bixler. "Tesla is currently marketing only four or five models, whereas we have over fifty in our catalog, available now" "Here's a link," Bixler finished mysteriously.

After the takeover, Tesla vehicles will be marketed through an entirely new dealer system - the Flite Test Store, with additional support from AMain Hobby. Initial reports state that the new Teslas will be built of the mysterious laminate material preferred by Flite Test, and will appear in only one color, "Passion Brown." When it was pointed out that previous Flite Test products have a lamentable crash record, Bixler pointed out that the new Tesla automobiles can be easily repaired by their owners. "And if, God forbid, they're beyond repair, the power units can be moved to a new body shell, available as a kit or via free plans." "Here's that link again," Bixler added with a wink.

The new cars will be powered by two motors, one at each front wheel. Steering is apparently accomplished by a differential-throttle setup, as yet to be revealed.

Tesla's famous large flat-panel dashboard screen will be replaced with a Spektrum DX6 control system.

Bixler reportedly sees nothing coincidental in the fact that both of these major corporate takeovers occurred on April 1.

Stay tuned for further developments.
 
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#8
I don't want or need another automobile, especially a Tesla, but I have my retirement money to invest. When is Flite Test going public? I'd like to buy some stock, say $500,000 or so, perhaps more. When you issue stock certificates will I have a choice of either full page or tiled?
 

Mad_Mechanic

Well-known member
#9
I don't want or need another automobile, especially a Tesla, but I have my retirement money to invest. When is Flite Test going public? I'd like to buy some stock, say $500,000 or so, perhaps more. When you issue stock certificates will I have a choice of either full page or tiled?
You might have a controlling share/interest for that kind of cash.

However, I would be way more inclined to invest my money into shares of Flite Test than say Facebook...